The Rumble

It’s been a rough couple of days. I’ve been super emotional and raw.

I have been slowly finishing up the things I need to before I go but I keep delaying going into the garage to look for gear.

I’ve only gone in a handful of times since Franco’s bike came home. It’s hard for me to look at knowing he was riding it when he died but I can’t bear to let it go. He loved the bike, sometimes I think, more than me.

His other Harley is sitting right next to it but I haven’t even started it since Neal rode it for his service in February.

Four months ago……

Four months that went by in an instant.

Four months with days that were never ending.

I still forget that he is gone sometimes, that I’m alone and all our plans for our future are gone.

I just feel like taking a huge swig from the liter of Jack Daniels sitting next to his picture then throwing the bottle as hard as I can against the wall. Watching the shards of glass shatter all around me, just like my life did.

I spent a couple of hours with Neal the other day. He offered to take the other Harley and ride it while I’m gone. It kills him that it just sits and rots but I just can’t touch it.

He text me on Father’s Day that he was going to come by when I got off work to pick it up. It was a shit day at work, everything going wrong. I got off late and was running behind for a bbq I was invited to but still had to assemble my dessert. My dad called while I was prepping and I tried talking to him but just broke down and started crying. Tears just streaming down and of course Neal and his family walked through my door.

I’m sure they weren’t expecting me to be crying or for my house to look like a bomb exploded but that’s what they got. Neal just hugged me and I just apologized for my mess.

I finished up the dessert while he went out and started the bike. I could hear it rumbling in the garage. The motor stuttered and rpms kept bouncing since the gas was so bad in it.

He got on it and backed it out the garage while I watched with tears streaming. I just turned away and hit the garage door opener. Sobbing as the door closed behind me.

I miss that rumble. Standing at the kitchen sink and hearing it coming down the block then into the garage. That sound let me know he was home safe.

I miss that sound and him more than ever.

Author: firemaker1

When I lost the man that I loved, the life I knew shattered in an instant. Not only did I lose him in my life, I lost him and all the plans we had made for our future. This is my journey to learn to live again. View all posts by firemaker1