I started developing blisters right under my big toe on the left side between the toes and the pads of my foot. It spread to under all my other toes. My feet create too much heat and sweat and all of the declines just compounded it and with all the miles that we had to complete each day, there wasn’t enough time for my feet to “dry out” each night.
It really impacted my mental health, having each step be excruciating.
We had decided to continue our baggage transfers since we had our accommodation already booked and to try and save our feet.
Maria wasn’t doing much better. Her pinky toes had developed deep blisters underneath callouses that had to be cut out.
Even though we were seeing beautiful cities, and landscapes. We stopped being happy. It became a chore, a burden. We trudged along. Most days, we limped our way into town using the trekking poles heavily. We were doing too many km’s each day and not leaving time to enjoy meals, or even each other.
From the time the walk started to the end of the day. We were both using headphones and music to try and distract from the pain.
I understand that undertaking something like this is meant to be a physical challenge and I can appreciate that but it started to feel like it did when I hiked the Appalachian Trail. That my timeline and schedule was too much and I was missing out on the laughter and healing from just taking it slower.
We both did get some moments on the trail where we finally found the reasons why we were hiking.
For me, I had originally planned to do the trail as a way to see Spain and immerse myself in its culture. I also knew that I had more healing to do about Franco’s death.
But what I didn’t expect was for my heart to reach out to me on a rainy day just trudging along and say “you aren’t here to let go of anger or pain over his death. You are here to let go of the guilt that you feel about how happy you are with your life and to ask forgiveness from yourself. To give yourself permission to move on and enter the next stage of your life with Rico.”
I can tell you that it hit me light a bolt of lightning.
I shared that moment of clarity with Maria and it felt so good to say it out loud.
I realized that I was approaching this trail the wrong way and that I didn’t have to push so hard to conform to someone else’s plan.
Especially when my best friend was struggling so hard and wanted to keep pushing for me since this was my dream trip.
My bucket list trip.
But my bucket list didn’t have us being so exhausted and unhappy and I decided to change it and get us back to where we needed to be to be in the right mindset to receive the healing from the Camino.
I decided to jump us to Astorga via buses and trains and then spend the rest of the time that we had, walking shorter days so we could enjoy our time together.
This trail was never about hiking every step of the way. We never had enough time to complete the entire way so bouncing was always in the plan.
I just moved up our timeline about 7 days.
I can already see a difference in myself mentally and physically. My feet have healed a lot and are only irritating now.
We are laughing and smiling again. Sleeping in and letting our bodies heal.
This is the trip that I want.
To laugh with my best friend and see her shine.
Not to dampen her light because she is trying to do such a huge task that she has no experience with. She has been toughening it out and dealing with it for me but that’s not what friendship does.
Friendship recognizes when things are too hard and adjusts.
If I could offer any advice to someone thinking about hiking the Camino.
Do it. But do it on your own terms. Don’t let preset stages and guidebook recommendations of km’s each day make you feel like you have to be walking such long days.
Start with short days and build up from there. Listen to your body and know when you need to rest.
The way is not about pain. It is a part of it but it shouldn’t be the entire point.
I am looking forward to the next 20 days and to see how different the way is from how we started.
Living A Shattered Life 