Reality

The day has come. I’m actually getting on a plane tonight and flying to South Africa. What a few short months ago sounded like a email scam is now my reality.

It’s been a very busy last few weeks. I finally finished getting 3 ring binders created for my mom, Frank’s mom and myself. I put all of our important documents in it.

If you don’t have a binder or a file, I urge you from the bottom of my heart….start one.

Start having conversations with the ones you hold dear about your wishes. Yes, it’s super morbid but this life is so precious and fragile. Take the time and just do it. It only took me $80 and 20 mins to do my Will and final wishes created and expedited to me. Get life insurance, even a small policy. Make a medical directive in case you get hurt. Make a list of accounts and passwords. The more detailed, the better.

Do I think that something will happen to me on the trip? No. Not in the slightest bit. But I’m prepared for it.

I wrote in a blog awhile back that I was done reaching up to God and it was up to Him to come and find me. Maybe He took it as a challenge because suddenly Uuzilo came into my life and it is exactly what I need.

When I told my mom that I was looking into doing this trip and of course she freaked out and was totally against it. Until I told her this:

“This non-profits mission has been hand crafted for me. I am the perfect fit to help them and for them to help me. If God wants me to go, then it will all fall into place. So I am going to do what I need to do so I can be ready for it. Cause I don’t want to be the reason that I don’t go. I am getting out of my own damn way and trusting this is part of His plan and I am supposed to do this.”

Andrew and Laura have been working their tails off to get this trip ready for me and I will never be able to thank them enough. From emotional support, to bringing in light and laughter, prepping the motorcycles and continuing to reach out and tell the world about Uuzilo.

I am not scared or nervous about the trip. I’m scared and nervous about being alone with my thoughts for hours at a time. I’m afraid to strip away my distractions and be left bare. I’m afraid that the emptiness will overwhelm me.

I took 2 weeks off work after Franco died, that’s it. I’ve been working non stop since then. It has been a blessing and a curse. I am away from home all day and busy. I don’t have to think about him being gone even though it is never far from my mind. I can pretend that everything is ok.

I want to find peace. I want to find my joy again. Find the song of my heart, cause right now I hardly remember the melody and I am singing off key.

I am taking the step of faith and seeing where if takes me.

Author: firemaker1

When I lost the man that I loved, the life I knew shattered in an instant. Not only did I lose him in my life, I lost him and all the plans we had made for our future. This is my journey to learn to live again.

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