One of the best things that I ever did for my relationship with Franco was read “The 5 Love Languages” and have both of us take the test after I was done.
It turned out that we matched our 2nd language, which was Physical Touch but where my primary language was Word of Affirmation, it turned out his was actually Receiving Gifts.
For YEARS….I had loved him in my language. I would write him notes, give him cards, text him sweet things or just tell him nice things…..all the ways I received love.
So after that, I changed how I showed my love and I could see the difference in him and in us.
I used to have cookies and other sweets delivered to him at work. I would do it for special occasions and sometimes just out of the blue.
He would share it with his co-workers since I always sent enough to go around.
The boys would get excited when my delivery team would walk in with the baked goods and some ridiculous over the top loving balloon.
It would embarrass him but I knew he enjoyed it cause after he died, I found all the small enclosure cards i wrote in the top of his tool box.
He saved them all.
Initially after he died, I would go and see the boys often and would make sure to bring them cookies or donuts, to let them know I was thinking about them and that I was ok.
I haven’t been to the shop in months. With working full time and a small part time job too, doesn’t leave much time to hang out.
One of the boys mowed my lawn this weekend so I swung by to give him cash.
On the way there, I stopped and got a couple boxes of donuts and as I walked through the shop and delivered them, I saw a lot of new faces.
Faces who didn’t know who I was or who Franco was.
I gave a box to one of the admin ladies and told her she was the gatekeeper to make sure they shared. I dropped the other box at the service department office since that was where Franco worked so they always get special treatment.
I was gonna be late to work so I was rushing out when Debbie called out that she wrote a note that the donuts were courtesy of “Franco’s girl, Stephanie.”
I’ve been thinking about that all day.
I will always be Franco’s girl to them. My identity is wrapped up so tightly with his, that they have no idea who I am without him. They would have no idea who Stephanie was if that was the only thing written on that note.
It doesn’t bother me.
It just reinforces that fact that I will always be Franco’s girl to the ones who knew him first then met me.
No matter how much time passes or where life takes me.
I just hope I’m making him proud of me.
Losing him has been the toughest thing I’ve ever gone through and I have been struggling lately with missing him and realizing that it has been 1.5 years already.
Some days are hard and I end up crying cause I can’t hold it in anymore. When it still feels like a terrible dream that I can’t wake from. When I can’t say his name or talk about him without my throat closing up and breaking down.
Most days though, I can talk about him. I can joke and tell stories about meeting him or the first time I saw him. About our crazy adventures and I will just laugh and smile with the memories.
I spent 1/3rd of my life loving him.
Some of my favorite memories are with him. My Alpha male, best friend, battle buddy and my Baby.
We had a inside joke when we would get introduced to new people. It was from one of the fast and furious movies. He would say his name was Alpha and I was Mrs. Alpha. The people always looked at us confused and we would look at each other and just laugh before telling them our names.
I miss his smile and the special wink that he would give me.
I hope that he is looking down on his girl and encouraging me as I’m doing the best I can and moving forward with my life.
No matter what, I will always be proud to say that I am Franco’s girl.