Appointments, Passports and Urn

I had left early from work so I could make it on time to my probate appointment. I had about 30 minutes to spare before I had to pick up his mom so I grabbed my travel paperwork and headed to the post office next to my house.

The same woman who helped me send out Frank’s ashes were there again. She answered all my questions and help me to expedite my passport paperwork since I’m going overseas in July. I’ll explain about it in a different post.

At the probate office the original woman who had helped us was out sick, so a coworker stepped in. She was very confused initially with who I was and why Susan was turning over his estate to me.

She was actually a very kind lady, who took the time to help me fill out portions of the inventory that I have to mail back in. I have to list a monetary value for all of his belongings. Basically she said, what I would sell them at a yard sale for. She explained how I needed to set up an estate account at the bank and I couldn’t touch it or sell anything of his until the estate is closed. She set my closing date and guess what… It’s the day after Valentine’s Day, next year. Awesome. Great. I’d love an appointment 2 days before the first anniversary of his death. Why not. Apparently you have to give the creditors eight months to submit paperwork to get paid from his estate.

Yeah… About that.

I closed his bank account and let me tell you, ain’t nobody getting paid back…..

Not even me.

Actually had to get a tax number from the IRS in order to create the estate account. I felt so embarrassed since I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as I had to explain the situation over and over.

I closed his gym membership, bank accounts, grunt style T-shirt membership and his phone. I went to the register of deeds and updated the house as well as the tax office.

When I got home, there was a box waiting for me at my doorstep. His urn has arrived.

There was also a note from Mike as well, letting me know that the keepsake would be coming soon too. I just wept as I took it out of the box. I didn’t cut into the bag since it’s made from salt and the instructions say to limit how much you move or touch it. I just put it back in the box and on the shelf under his picture. It is so much heavier than I thought it would be. I still have his ashes in the temporary all black container. I like to put my hand on it most days when I tell him how much I love him before I leave the house.

I also had my first VA appointment for counseling. It was very strange. The woman wasn’t going to actually be my counselor. Apparently, she was only was going to talk to me for 30 minutes and then pass me along to someone else or figure out what I would need for medication.

It was real shitty in the very beginning since my primary Doctor who had referred me to her didn’t bother to put why I had actually requested to see her.

So I had to tell the story again.

It was rough. That was the worst emotionally that I had gotten with anybody. She gave me some handouts and said that I should go to the VA clinic in Greenville since they deal with younger vets. At that location, she mostly just deals with older veterans and gives out medication to solve problems.

So now in order for me to talk to somebody, I have to take a day off of work during the week to go down there with my DD 214 and identify myself as a veteran in need of help. I couldn’t believe that she couldn’t refer me or set up an appointment and basically couldn’t do anything for me. It was very disheartening. I don’t want to bounce around from person to person. I’m just trying to get help from somebody outside of the situation that will give me a non-biased view because they didn’t know me or Frank or how we were together.

After that visit I was just emotionally raw all week. I just tucked inside myself and didn’t reach out to anyone. I could barely hold it together at work so I did a lot of inventory and spreadsheets so that way I could avoid people, even my own staff. Work has slowed down so that has been a blessing.

I went to the gym and saw my neighbor there even though I wasn’t 100% sure it was her at the time. We talked on messenger and decided that we are going to start going to the gym together after work. She is a former Marine (I know there is no such thing) but either way, I think that it will be a good motivating-relationship.

I have to start giving a damn about my health again.

Author: firemaker1

When I lost the man that I loved, the life I knew shattered in an instant. Not only did I lose him in my life, I lost him and all the plans we had made for our future. This is my journey to learn to live again.

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