I have always been a sentimental fool. I keep the smallest mementos. Random items that have no value other than the joy. Anything from tiny toy dinosaurs, rubber ducks, a scribbled note or photograph.
When I was upgrading from a flip phone to a IPhone, I emailed myself every text message that Frank had sent me that I had saved on it.
A few months ago, I was deleting my old emails and stumbled across those text messages. One by one, I opened those email. Those texts, just snap shots of countless conversations that I had with him and how much he poured his heart out to me.
It was very hard to read but also very beautiful to see his love. To read the words, spelled terribly wrong. To know that he meant it and he did love me just as deeply as I did him.
I knew I wanted to somehow create something using his words but I just couldn’t figure out how to do it until now.
I found a company that would take the words and then use them to create a photo. Recreating my favorite photo of him and I.
I received it in the mail recently, I ordered it in time to be here for his birthday. A gift for me, I guess. I left his misspelled words exactly how he had written them and as I hold it in my hands, I’m reminded how much of a “Great Love” that I had.
I always wished for a Great Love. The storybook kind. The kind of love story that was told throughout the ages.
Funny thing about those kinds of loves.
It always ends in tragedy.
I miss him so much.
I miss those eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that I would get lost in.
I miss his funny faces and the way he would side eye me when he was being sneaky.
His birthday is so hard on me and the anniversary is looming ahead.
Things are changing dramatically for me and I am stepping forward to the next chapter of my life
Excited for the future and yet terrified beyond measure.
Terrified that this chapter will have a terrible ending as well.
Fear hasn’t stopped me from reaching out. It’s trying but I refuse to let it win.
I am carrying his love and his words with me into this next chapter.
He taught me that love is always worth the risk.