It happened much earlier than I anticipated. Rico seeing how deep my fears and anxieties run.
We had been texting all day while he was at work and he told me he would see me around 10:15pm.
10:15 came and went. 10:20, 10:25, 10:30……
I immediately went spiraling down into worst case scenarios.
Something is wrong. He is never late. He got in an accident. He’s hurt. He’s dead.
I tried to stop these thoughts. Tried drowning them out with music but I kept getting worse.
My heart was racing. My stomach was in knots.
I kept saying out loud that he is ok. He’s just running late.
But my fears got the best of me.
Starting making plans for what to do after I get the news that he has died.
Who I would call, where I would go and it just kept going.
Then I heard the front door unlock and I ran from the bedroom and hugged him tight.
“You’re late. I was worried.”
He didn’t notice my emotions at first. I had my head buried in his neck.
He told me the problem that happened right as he was clocking out and what he had to do.
I told him I needed him to text me the next time he would be late as I turned and went back to the bed. Laying there, trying to get it together.
He finally understood how upset I had gotten when I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face.
He tried to comfort me but I pushed him away and told him I needed time. For him to go and do his normal nightly routine.
He held me close, kissed me and said it would never happen again.
After I got under control, I came out and apologized and we continued our night.
I guess it’s all I can do. Try and have open, honest conversation when I am struggling and what I need to feel safe.