Unspoken Fears

It happened much earlier than I anticipated. Rico seeing how deep my fears and anxieties run.

We had been texting all day while he was at work and he told me he would see me around 10:15pm.

10:15 came and went. 10:20, 10:25, 10:30……

I immediately went spiraling down into worst case scenarios.

Something is wrong. He is never late. He got in an accident. He’s hurt. He’s dead.

I tried to stop these thoughts. Tried drowning them out with music but I kept getting worse.

My heart was racing. My stomach was in knots.

I kept saying out loud that he is ok. He’s just running late.

But my fears got the best of me.

Starting making plans for what to do after I get the news that he has died.

Who I would call, where I would go and it just kept going.

Then I heard the front door unlock and I ran from the bedroom and hugged him tight.

“You’re late. I was worried.”

He didn’t notice my emotions at first. I had my head buried in his neck.

He told me the problem that happened right as he was clocking out and what he had to do.

I told him I needed him to text me the next time he would be late as I turned and went back to the bed. Laying there, trying to get it together.

He finally understood how upset I had gotten when I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face.

He tried to comfort me but I pushed him away and told him I needed time. For him to go and do his normal nightly routine.

He held me close, kissed me and said it would never happen again.

After I got under control, I came out and apologized and we continued our night.

I guess it’s all I can do. Try and have open, honest conversation when I am struggling and what I need to feel safe.

Author: firemaker1

When I lost the man that I loved, the life I knew shattered in an instant. Not only did I lose him in my life, I lost him and all the plans we had made for our future. This is my journey to learn to live again.

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